The Paleolithic Diet!!!!

“There are races of people who are all slim, who are stronger and faster than us. They all have straight teeth and perfect eyesight. Arthritis, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, stroke, depression, schizophrenia and cancer are absolute rarities for them. These people are the last 84 tribes of hunter-gatherers in the world. They share a secret that is over 2 million years old. Their secret is their diet- a diet that has changed little from that of the first humans 2 million years ago, and their predecessors up to 7 million years ago. Theirs is the diet that man evolved on, the diet that is coded for in our genes.”

Source: http://www.earth360.com/diet_paleodiet_balzer.html

It will surprise you to hear that this piece of utter drivel and shit was written by a family physician, someone who is supposed to be brilliant and in charge of public health. Allow me to tear this down, yes?

1. Why are they slim, strong and fast? Because compared to people living in technological societies, they get very few calories in their diet and, as hunter-gatherers, are always moving around to find food. They have to chase after fucking ungulates to get a steak out of it. You’d be slim, strong and fast, too with that way of life. Nevermind the fact that nearly all hunter-gatherer societies are nomadic, which means packing up and carrying your house hundreds of miles every season or so.

2. They ALL have straight teeth? Ummm, well first I’d like to see evidence of this. If it is true, I would argue that this is because strong teeth are needed to chew a diet consisting in large part of raw foods.

3. The perfect eyesight is so obviously not related to their diet that I am baffled he even put it in there. Now, as with the teeth, I doubt he can prove this claim, as he has not gone out onto the Savannah and given every Masai an eye exam, but this one I believe. In a hunter-gatherer society, your livelihood is dependant on your ability to see edible plants among the brush and throw a spear with enough accuracy to get an antelope. If someone did not have perfect eyesight, they would likely not be seen as a good catch, marriage-wise, as they could not hunt or gather to support a amily. Thus, no spawning, no propagation of the gene, and 80 hunter-gatherer societies with perfect eyesight.

4. It’s true that these societies fo not have arthritis, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, stroke and cancer, but it’s not a miracle brought about by their diet, it’s the fact that people living in these societies don’t live long enough to get these diseases. All of these absent diseases he lists are typically found in older people, 45, 50, 60 and up. In one of these societies where people generally only live to be 40 or so, of course you aren’t going to see these as often. Of course, I will not argue that their diet doesn’t play any role at all here. I will concede that when you are barely eating enough natural sugars to survive, you are not going to get diabetes (or if you do, are not going to live long enough to be counted by family physicians in the West), and if you are not eating plants covered in pesticides, and drinking water filled with flouride, and walking through cities hazy with CO2, you are probably not going to get cancer.

5. No Depression or schizophrenia? Okay. Why? What do they eat that makes them immune to mental disease?

“The essentials of the Paleolithic Diet are:

Eat none of the following:

· Grains- including bread, pasta, noodles

· Beans- including string beans, kidney beans, lentils, peanuts, snow-peas and peas

· Potatoes

· Dairy products

· Sugar

· Salt

Eat the following:

· Meat, chicken and fish

· Eggs

· Fruit

· Vegetables (especially root vegetables, but definitely not including potatoes or sweet potatoes)

· Nuts, eg. walnuts, brazil nuts, macadamia, almond. Do not eat peanuts (a bean) or cashews (a family of their own)

· Berries- strawberries, blueberries, raspberries etc.

 Try to increase your intake of:

· Root vegetables- carrots, turnips, parsnips, rutabagas, Swedes

· Organ meats- liver and kidneys (I accept that many people find these unpalatable and won’t eat them)

Expect some minor tuning problems- don’t worry, you can deal with them.”

So, basically, stop eating what is at the bottom of the Food Pyramid, the stuff that doctors say should be the basis of a healthy diet, and start grazing on expensive berries.

Let me tell you, I think it is also hilarious that he advises us to consume more Swedes. MMM, I love me a good, tasty Swede. I just can’t get enough Swede in my mouth. I could spend hours and hours eating Swedes…yeah, you get the idea of the joke.

Also, the caveat at the bottom is hilarious. Don’t worry about it if you feel like you are weak and starving and perhaps won’t live past 38. That’s perfectly normal– in fact, that’s how it’s supposed to feel! Don’t worry about it, soon your body will adjust to the lack of nutrients and calories, and will go into super survival mode, feeding off itself. How cool!

This is such a bad, pseudo-scientific rip-off of the Atkins diet, it is hilarious.